Road Block

I've been taking Fluoxetine for about 5 months now, and I seem to have hit a wall. Everything was going so great a month ago. I ran! I ran a half a mile! It was unbelievable. In fact, I did it twice! But I haven't been able to do it since then.

I have been feeling pretty weak. My mouth especially has been bothering me- trouble talking. I've lost my smile again. It is so frustrating. I had been so excited to see my smile- even if it was just for a little part of every day. Even my eyes were starting to open up. Now it's as though I'm not taking anything. I just don't understand it. How can it just stop working? Do I need to take more? Less? My doctors are just guessing.

I just want so much to be better. To be WELL. I love to travel, and it would be so great to be able to walk around the old cities without getting tired. Or to be able to hike, and see all the amazing places I can't get to in a wheelchair. I am still amazed that I was able to hike a bit in Switzerland. I think that really awakened something in me. I have seen so much beauty- even from the seat of a wheelchair. I went to Alaska and to Rocky Mountain National Park in a wheelchair. But it's a very limited way to view the world. And you have to find places that are accessible. Sometimes I just want the freedom that comes with being able to walk.

I have thought about attempting a 5k. Especially on the two days that I was able to run. There have been days when I have been able to walk as far as two miles. A 5k is slightly over 3 miles. So maybe it is possible. I just wonder how in the world I could train for that. It seems like it takes so long for my muscles to recover. If I could just figure out how to work out enough to get a benefit, without overdoing it, maybe I could really get stronger. Maybe I could really increase my endurance.

I keep wishing there was some easy solution- like some apparatus I could put on over my legs that would enable me to walk without getting tired. I've seen the exoskeletons they are developing, but they aren't available for sale yet, and they are too expensive for me any way. But I do wonder if they work on mountains! Maybe they will come down in price in the next few years so that the average handicapped person can actually be able to "walk" instead of having to use a wheelchair. How amazing that would be!

There is a woman with MS, Wendy Booker, who is so inspiring to me. I first read about her in Prevention magazine several years ago. She was able to compete in marathons even with MS. When she was diagnosed, she was determined not to let it keep her down, and worked out with a trainer to develop and maintain her muscles as much as possible. She said there were days when she was so weak she could only lift a 1 lb weight, but she did it any way. Now she is working on climbing the Seven Summits. I know that MS is a different disease than congenital myasthenic syndrome. But both are neuromuscular diseases, and neither has a cure. Both have varying degrees of weakness, and affect each person differently. My case of CMS is relatively mild. Perhaps it is possible to train my body to work more effectively and efficiently. Maybe it is possible for me to be able to climb mountains. I just have to figure out how!